How to become unfuckwithable

If you grew up in any sort of restrictive environment, whether that was a home, church, or culture that told you to sit down, shut up, and stay in your lane, I’m sure you have come across the fracture that has been created within yourself because of this.

You end up losing the parts of yourself that are real. That have real emotion, real needs, real desires.

You learn to hide.

For me, imagine religious tyrants who cover themselves up in sheep’s clothing, pretending to do the “Lord’s Work,” and if you ever talked back you were immediately silenced and told,

“Just blindly trust, or you’ll go to Hell and never see your family again.”

Thanks, Brother Jessop, for the religious trauma. 🫡

Now, you’re an adult. Maybe you have kids of your own or a business you run and you have little work babies wreaking havoc in the office.

What do you do?

Do you perpetuate this cycle of, “STAY IN YOUR LANE. STAY IN THAT BOX!”

Or, do you provide the opportunity for conflict, for people to argue back with things you do, to have a voice?

Do you learn how to advocate for yourself, and create an environment where others can too?

The first story I’ll share with you on this has to do with a training I’m currently in. I recognized that I felt hurt, rejection, and a fear of being unliked by the group.

I sat on this for close to two weeks, and finally went in to address it to the teachers. I knew that I might receive a response I didn’t like, but I found the courage to do it anyways.

This meant actually pushing back a couple of times. Not a one and done.

I did this, recognizing I could be triggering the teachers, be considered ungrateful or rude, that they had full power t0 kick me out of the program, and that the other students could think less of me and leave me feeling isolated.

It brought up all of the childhood conditioning that can be so hard to rewire, years and years later.

But I did it anyways. Because I would have wanted my clients to do the same if they were in my shoes. Which recently, a client did, and that leads me to my second example:

“This isn’t helping me.” They said. “I want to us to move on from this topic for the rest of the call.”

I listened. I thanked them for setting boundaries, and we moved into what they asked for.

Because they self-advocated, they were able to then move into vulnerability, and share what was happening on their end (why what I did earlier had triggered them), and we were able to move into what they really needed.

The trigger opened a door for them to step into their reclaimed power. And they walked away feeling more encouraged than before.

If I had taken that time to let my ego take over and make it about myself, to get offended and tell them that “I’m the expert, you don’t know what you’re talking about—” I would have only perpetuated the pain.

What I did in my training space opened the door for someone else to come in and share a frustration they had (the teachers also came back in and recognized where they could shift some things to support the students better).

What my client did opened the door for the both of us to have a really beautiful emotional release process together.

Sometimes, genuinely, you’re allowed to be a little “selfish.” You’re allowed to stand up for yourself, rock the boat, make mistakes doing so, learn and do better in the future.

If I never took this step, I would never learn how to handle conflict with more grace. And I’m grateful for my teachers for holding the space for me to do that. The same goes for this client.

And so for my clients, current or future—

You’re allowed to push back. You’re allowed to not like things. You’re allowed to advocate for yourself, regardless of the outcome (that will always remain out of our control).

Because I promise you this:

On the other side of that discomfort is freedom. And that freedom is the path to becoming unfuckwithable.

And with that energy, you will go farther and accomplish much more than if you had stayed in that box they told you to.

I encourage you to break out.

Your voice matters. If you’re ready to learn how to advocate for yourself, set boundaries, and reconnect with your body, hop on a call with me to explore what options are best for you to do just that. 🤲🏻