How to become unfuckwithable

If you grew up in any sort of restrictive environment, whether that was a home, church, or culture that told you to sit down, shut up, and stay in your lane, I’m sure you have come across the fracture that has been created within yourself because of this.

You end up losing the parts of yourself that are real. That have real emotion, real needs, real desires.

You learn to hide.

In my case, imagine the stereotypical religious tyrants who cover themselves up in sheep’s clothing, pretending to do the “Lord’s Work,” and if you ever talked back you were immediately silenced and told,

“Just blindly trust, or you’ll go to Hell and never see your family again.”

Thanks, Brother Jessop, for the religious trauma. 🫡

Now, you’re an adult. Maybe you have kids of your own or a business you run and you have little work babies wreaking havoc in the office.

What do you do?

Do you perpetuate this cycle of, “STAY IN YOUR LANE. STAY IN THAT BOX!”

Or, do you provide the opportunity for conflict, for people to speak back against the things you do, to have a voice?

Do you learn how to advocate for yourself, and create an environment where others can too?

The first story I’ll share with you on this has to do with a training I’m currently in. I recognized that I felt hurt, rejection, and a fear of being unliked by the group, primarily the teachers.

I sat on this for close to two weeks, and finally went in to address it to them. I knew that I might receive a response I didn’t like, but I found the courage to do it anyways.

This meant actually pushing back a few times. Not a one and done.

I did this, recognizing I could be triggering the teachers, be considered ungrateful or rude, that they had full power t0 kick me out of the program, and that the other students could think less of me and leave me feeling isolated.

It brought up all of the childhood conditioning that can be so hard to rewire, years and years later. Wild stories ran through my head of being “excommunicated” and rejected from everyone in this space (that has probably become the safest space in my life).

But I did it anyways, because I wanted to see if this time, things could be different. And to be honest, I would have wanted my clients to do the same if they were in my shoes.
Which recently, funnily enough, a client did. And that leads me to my second example:

“This isn’t helping me.” They told me. “I want us to move on from this topic for the rest of the call.”

I listened. I thanked them for setting boundaries, and we moved into what they asked for.

Because they self-advocated, they were able to afterwards move into vulnerability and share what was happening on their end, that I had triggered them earlier. Since they felt safe in being able to hold boundaries, even with me, they were able to then reach this vulnerability and share it.

The trigger opened a door for them to step into their power, and they walked away feeling more encouraged and confident in themselves than before.
Meaning, them expressing their emotions vulnerably, allowed me to meet them exactly where they were at.

But, and this is a huge but, if I had taken that time to let my ego take over and make it about myself, to get offended and tell them that “I’m the expert, you don’t know what you’re talking about—” I would have only perpetuated the pain.

The resolution to all of this, is that the tear I created in my training space opened the door for someone else to come in and share a frustration they had. This encouraged a process for us students to express our needs, and have them be safely advocated for and met (which can be a really new experience for a lot of us).
As a bonus, this helped to heal wounds around not being able to question things, and instead told to blindly trust Brother Jessop. So thank God for that.

What my client also did, opened the door for them to experience safe self-advocacy. The empowerment they received from this session was a beautiful energy to witness.

If there was a moral to the story, it’s that genuinely, you’re allowed to be a little “selfish.” You’re allowed to stand up for yourself, rock the boat, even if it’s messy and you feel like a fish out of water in the process.

If I never took this step, I would have never learned how to handle conflict with more grace, and known what it’s like to be received with this amount of care and support. The same goes for this client.

And so for all my clients, current or future—

You’re allowed to push back. You’re allowed to not like things. You’re allowed to advocate for yourself. You have full permission to not pretend you’re okay when you’re really not.
There are places that exist that can hold you and the imperfection that will be experienced on both sides. Because healing was never meant to be about chasing perfection, because that doesn’t fucking exist.
So imagine a space where that is not an expectation, and the healing you could receive from that.

Because while it’s uncomfortable (to say the least), on the other side of that discomfort is freedom. And that freedom is the path to becoming unfuckwithable.

And with that energy, you will go farther and accomplish much more than if you had stayed in that “perfect” or “good girl/boy” box they told you to.

I highly encourage you to break out.

Your voice matters. And there are those of us who deeply care to listen.

If you’re ready to experience a space like this, hop on a call with me to explore what options are best for you to do just that. 🤲🏻

I genuinely look forward to it.