I work in somatic healing, and I’m here to tell you: It’s really not that deep

I work in somatic healing.

I’m a massage therapist. I coach people. I work with the body, emotions, patterns, stress, tension, relationships, and all the weird and fascinating ways our experiences can show up in our bodies.

So trust me when I say:

I love the deep shit.

I love understanding why we do what we do. I love helping someone notice a pattern they’ve been living inside for years. I live for those moments when that aha moment happens—an emotion moves through, symptoms disappear or someone goes,

“Oh. THAT’S what I’ve been doing!!”

There is absolutely a time and place for going deep.

But I also think the healing world has a tendency to make everything really fucking complicated. And… Seriously, for what? Genuine question here.

Because yes, sometimes we’re looking for the trauma you haven’t had the capacity previously to address, the subconscious belief that runs your life, the nervous system pattern, the fascial restriction tied to that pattern, the attachment wound, the ideal morning routine, or the exact healing modality that will finally make you feel better…

when sometimes the answer is simply:

Do you have your damn basics?

And often times no, because we think the basics are outrageous to ask for.

For example:

feeling safe in your relationships is baseline.

You should not have to constantly decode the people closest to you.

You shouldn’t regularly be wondering whether someone likes you, whether they’re angry with you, whether you’re asking for too much, or whether expressing a need is going to make the entire relationship fall apart.

Of course relationships have conflict. People misunderstand each other, we trigger each other... Healthy relationships are not relationships where everyone feels perfectly “regulated” and happy all the time.

But generally?

You should be able to relax around the people you love, say no, have preferences, be able to disagree.

You should be able to take up some damn space.

That isn’t some advanced level of relational healing. That’s you saying,

“Oh, I can sense something is off here. But I actually don’t need to swoop in and rescue them. They’re an adult, as am I. I’m not responsible for the experience they don’t communicate to me.”

And,

“Oh, I’m noticing this really hurt my feelings. I’m capable of sharing this with them so I don’t build resentment.”

This is baseline.

And if your body spends significant amounts of time walking on eggshells around the people in your life, we can absolutely work with that in a coaching session because you have a genuine reason you’re doing that.

But we also have to be willing to look at the environment and asking why this isn’t foundational in your life.

Another example is:

did you eat some damn lunch today?

And I don’t mean a perfect one, sweetie.

Not the all-organic, locally sourced, home-cooked, macro-balanced perfection seven days a week type shit.

Just… feeding yourself. Regularly. Because you know, your body actually does require sufficient energy to function properly.

If you’re skipping meals, surviving on caffeine, barely eating during the day, and then wondering why you’re exhausted, irritable, foggy, tense, or crashing later...?

We might not need to dive into your deepest emotional wounds.

You might need lunch. :)

And yes, yes. There can absolutely be deeper reasons why caring for ourselves is difficult. And we can also explore that.

But eat some damn food first.

The same goes for your sleep.

I know. Revolutionary. ;)

You can buy the supplements, you can eat well, you can meditate and journal your dreams, get regular massage and optimize your routine with a color-coded spreadsheet…

But your body still needs sleep. And I mean it needs to finish the full 8 hours. Your body has cycles it goes through and cutting off that last hour or two of sleep can really inhibit what your brain needs to recharge.

And operating at 60% battery every day? Nothing can override that.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for yourself isn’t another “healing practice.”

It’s going the fuck to bed, love.

And if you’re having a hard time sleeping, again, we can coach on that, but it might not mean some deep exorcism to release the demon inhibiting your sleep.

It might just mean finding some ways for your brain to slow down so you feel like you can settle in.

One many of my clients don’t like to hear:

Your body is designed to move. Movement is baseline.

B.A.S.E.L.I.N.E.

That doesn’t mean you need to punish yourself in the gym six days a week. I literally wrote a blog post a couple weeks ago about how much I hate the gym so I work out at home.

But you can also just walk on a daily basis for 30 minutes.

Do some stretching in the morning when you first wake up, or set a challenge to dance to your favorite song once a day for 3 weeks.

A client of mine always wanted to try a yoga class and finally went for it.

I recently just bought a paddleboard and some pickleball paddles and have thrown that into my summer.

Start your garden or go jump on the trampoline with your kids.

Do whatever makes you remember that your body is something you live in, not just something you stare at, criticize, analyze, or try to fix.

Movement supports circulation, mobility, strength, coordination, and our overall capacity to keep doing the things we want to do.

When we don't move, the brain receives the message that something is wrong, that we’re frozen or stuck.

And you wonder why you keep looping.

Going for a run doesn’t have to mean you’re running from your problems.

Sometimes you just need the body to move for the rest of the healing to start moving its way through, too.

Again, it doesn’t have to be complicated.

It just needs to happen.

This doesn’t mean you push until collapse.

I mean you find that harmony of “I’m strong and I can challenge myself” and “I rest because it’s necessary.”

There is a difference between living a full life and constantly overriding yourself to maintain one, so if you’re an over-exerciser who constantly gets injured, remember that one. *Blows kiss*

The last example I’ll give is this:

Human beings need other human beings.

You don’t need thousands of followers on social media or a massive social circle, but you do need some people who know you.

Who get you out of your house and make you try something new.

Who can help you slow down and give you a shoulder to lean on.

Who you can call about that really weird interaction or just having that person who noticed when you went quiet.

We can do incredible work in one-on-one coaching. Massage and bodywork can give your nervous system a beautiful experience of being supported and cared for.

But neither coaching nor massage is supposed to replace having a life outside the treatment room.

Healing happens in relationship, too. Over dinner, on walks, in those inside jokes.

It doesn’t mean that each person in your life fits all your needs perfectly, but having a net of people who overall can meet these different sides of you is what a village really is.

Sometimes your nervous system doesn’t need another “technique.”

Sometimes it needs just another human.

When did everything become self-improvement? A challenge or a flex to show off on the internet?

“Your walk has to hit 10,000 steps.”

“Your hobby needs to become a side hustle.”

“Your food needs to optimize your health.”

“Your morning needs a routine.”

“Your evening needs a routine.”

“Your exercise needs measurable progress.”

“Your rest needs to make you more productive tomorrow.”

Jesus Christ. No wonder everyone is exhausted.

Sometimes you should do something because you fucking like it.

Play is not wasted time, and pleasure is not frivolous.

Joy does not need to justify its existence by becoming productive.

A healthy life should contain things that make you want to actually be here for it.

Again, this is baseline.

So yes, sometimes it is that deep.

Which is important to hold. Because sometimes you are eating, sleeping, moving, resting, connecting, setting boundaries, and doing all the things you’re “supposed” to do…

and something still feels off. The tension keeps coming back and you don’t know how to feel safe.

Sometimes you understand the pattern intellectually and still find yourself repeating it and can’t see the way out.

Sometimes you have spent years surviving in a particular way, and your body doesn’t simply abandon that strategy because you read an Instagram post (or blog post hehe) telling you to regulate your nervous system.

That’s where deeper work can matter.

That might mean massage and bodywork that gives you an opportunity to slow down, reconnect with your body, and address persistent patterns of tension.

It might mean coaching that helps you examine the beliefs, relationships, habits, and patterns shaping the way you move through your life.

It might mean emotional work, crying in front of a stranger in a zoom call, or seeking deeper help.

It might mean changing something about your actual circumstances rather than trying to become better at tolerating them. I’ve been there and done plenty of that.

But often it’s a combination of play, pleasure, ease, and living life like a pendulum between that and the deeper stuff.

The bottom line, is the deeper work should support the basics, not replace them.

I want the work we do together to help you participate in your life more fully.

To notice yourself sooner, to have that connection to your body that makes you fall in love with yourself, to make different choices when shit just isn’t working, to have that skill developed of adapting and being versatile, to take up space like the baddie you are, to build that community inside and outside of yourself that seriously helps your nervous system to chill tf out.

There are incredible things we can explore together.

But sometimes healing is not uncovering the hidden trauma stored in your left psoas, because the point that is often missed is this:

You are not broken. You do not need some magical key to fix some shattered part of you and tadaaa! You’re fixed and you’ll never experience a symptom or hardship again!

Sometimes you need lunch, or a good night of sleep. Sometimes you need to build that consistent routine with movement or build that spine of saying, “No, that doesn’t work for me. How about this instead?” Sometimes it’s a small as doing something that feels completely pointless but you’re laughing your head off and life feels brighter again.

The work can be deep.

But taking care of yourself really doesn’t have to be that complicated.

If you need some deeper support, or just need help making this simple shift, you can book a coaching call with me here.

Much love,

Tor